Turf Wars Happen

When people interact around limited resources we get grabby, exclusionary and sometimes downright rude. What if these behaviors are artifacts of outdated “territorial instincts” triggered by fear, stress, and uncertainty.  Of course resources are less tangible these days.  The resources we need to get ahead include: information, relationships, and status (including visibility) so the behaviors become less tangible as well.

And yes, this research is twenty years old…but most people recognize the same experiences…

In Meetings

• Intimidation – bully, silence with threats, just not worth it
• Filibuster – overtalking, not sharing air time, stress talking
• Camouflage – red herring, distraction, diversion

During Implementation

• Invisible Walls – bad logistics, disdainful tone, go slow
• Strategic-Non-Compliance – say “yes” but do “no”
• Information Manipulation – spin, inflate figures, distort meaning

Social Behaviors

• Shunning – humiliation, ridicule, omission
• Powerful Alliances – name dropping, using contacts to overrule
• Discredit – attack source of “facts,” name calling,

Old Skool

• Occupation – hoarding information, relationships and access

We can call these behaviors stupid, short-sighted or counter-productive but this just blames people for having emotions that trigger protective actions.  Teaching people to override emotional reasoning is the long way to a solution.  What if we teach groups that these behaviors are normal enough to figure into conversations we have when we design work, set up systems, or build teams.  Everybody has the same triggers – so if everyone on your team looks for the triggers that stimulate games (incivility) …they can avoid the triggers and rise above knee jerk reactions to protect ideas, resources, visibility within their own tribe. My approach is to increase a group’s responsibility for displaying collaborative behaviors by facilitaing dialogue, drawing metaphor maps, and training groups about psychological safety.

Sometimes one presentation of the ten games can change the dynamics of a group because groups have important conversations about “game playing” without targeting individuals or risking retribution. People are free to admit these instincts are common to all human beings and move directly into conversations about changing behaviors.

If you are interested in building pscyhological safety within your group, consider using the “ten games” model to characterize incivility as a blame free, understandable, and forgivable human response to uncertainty.  Blame only makes it worse – shame, same thing.  It is much easier and more productive to accomodate our common humanity (good and bad) than to eliminate it.

A welcome guide to creating a workplace where people can talk frankly without fear for their jobs…even if it means dredging up deep-buried conflicts or calling attention to their own shortcomings. A behavioral science consultant, Annette Simmons provides the key through the formal process of “dialogue.” More than ordinary conversation, this specific group give-and-take technique opens minds, eases, anxiety, and encourages straightforward truth-telling. Simmons firmly believes: “When a group learns how to discuss the undiscussable, they learn how to solve the unsolvable.” Packed with step-by-step “how-to” guidelines and helpful scenarios, this book gives readers the critical insights and skills to facilitate the process and bring the power of “dialogue” to any situation. Facilitators will also find pointers on asking the right questions to get a dialogue going, using story telling to bring an issue to life, and knowing when to step back and let the group go it alone. Simmons even provides a sample script for a dialogue session. Lively, down-to-earth,and encouraging, A Safe Place for Dangerous Truths charts a promising path toward renewed authenticity, openness, trust, and creative daring among people who work together.

“Finally an organizational communication breakthrough for the info-millenium…a practical and flexible approach to achieve ‘real’ trust at the very foundation of our organizations. Simmons’ methods transcend typical teamwork platitudes with an actual step-by-step model for unleashing powerful honest dialogue resulting in creative solutions.”

David Finch, President/CEO, ATCOM Business Telephone Systems

“In this book, Annette Simmons deals with the “how-to” of dialogue (e.g. how many people, how often, how to get started) but the real contribution of this book is her own voice that rings through with stories and metaphors that help us see the significance of dialogue for our work lives.”
Nancy M. Dixon, Associate Professor of Administrative Sciences, The George Washington University

“I have been a fan of Annette Simmons for some time now. I have had the privilege of experiencing her dialogue process, and felt it’s power and efficacy both personally and within my organization. She is a rare and gifted teacher who both lives and practices what she writes about. Her new book is powerful, lucid, and engaging. She offers to all who have the courage to follow her writing a process which indeed creates a safe place for truth telling, as well as more elegant and graceful ways of living and learning.”
Robert (Dusty) Staub, CEP Staub-Peterson, Inc. Author of The Heart of Leadership and The Seven Acts of Courage

In one recent survey, 93% of people admitted to lying regularly at work. Maybe they are scared of losing their jobs. Maybe they don’t trust their colleagues or don’t want to “rock the boat.” As Simmons says, “When people in a group improve their ability to talk to each other they spontaneously improve their ability to work together. When they learn how to discuss the undiscussable they learn how to solve the unsolvable.”

Since most of us have gotten into trouble for telling the truth at one time or another “we too quickly conclude that telling the truth is a bad idea. We decide to stay beneath the radar and either end up bitter and resentful unexpectedly explode and cause a scene. We need a third alternative.”

A Safe Place for Dangerous Truth: Using Dialogue to Overcome Fear and Distrust describes an alternative where a workgroup takes time out on a regular basis to:

a.) slow things down and temporarily tolerate the frustration of listening to people “who don’t know what they are talking about”

b.) suspend the norm of “let someone else say it” long enough so that someone names the problem(s)

Annette points out that in this world where “being busy is such a status symbol,” we must carve out a time for refection and dialogue. “People looking for the ‘right time’ to discuss a dangerous truth never find it because the workplace never slows down enough for people to calmly deal with dangerous truths.” This book describes an alternative that routinely introduces ‘thinking time’ back into the workplace.

A few reviews from Amazon:

“Dialogue is a difficult and potentially fear inducing process. The author admits all that and gives the reader the background and a process to facilitate and engage in dialogue. The book is easy-to-read, free of unnecessarily confusing jargon, and full of good illustrative anecedotes. The author recommends some unorthodox facilitative roles based on her experience (some of which I had thought of before I read the book, but was afraid to try out). I found myself jumping from section to section to follow my interest—this was not a linear ead for me. The appendix on how to get dialogue started with a group is also helpful.”

“This is an excellent “how to” book, that deals with a nebulous subject, dialogue.  It not only endorses and explains the need for dialogue, but goes way beyond helping middle management and leadership understand the important steps that must be taken if an organization is going to really attempt to change the culture and create a new atmosphere in which dialogue just might happen!”

“Enjoy!”

If you need a story NOW, this book is for you.

This is a workbook that solves what I call the “why business people suck at storytelling” problem.  Most of us in business are conditioned to believe that business communication must be clear, rational, and objective.  If that is true, there is no place for emotion or personal connection. Sharing a personal story, telling a story that makes a complex idea simple, or transforming an implementation plan into a living breathing future – that’s the secret to motivation.

The book gives you a process for finding, developing, and using your own stories effectively. You’ll learn how to craft specific stories with universal appeal.

People float in an ocean of data and disconnected facts that leave them feeling often overwhelmed and suspicious of choices. In this ocean of choice, a meaningful story is like a life preserver you offer to grab onto something meaningful: a trace of humanity in a world of facts.

Praise for Whoever Tells the Best Story Wins…

“Once upon a time, story was banished from business. Then Annette Simmons came along to show us the error of our ways. This book is a smart, practical guide to tapping the power of narrative to improve your business and your life.”
Daniel H. Pink, author of A Whole New Mind

“Storytelling is a critical leadership skill but one that even the most talented managers neglect. In Whoever tells the best story wins, Annette Simmons tells us why we must all learn to tell a good story, and guides us through simple steps to master this important craft. If you seek to communicate with greater impact and conviction, this book is for you.”
Herminia Ibarra, The INSEAD Chaired Professor of Organizational Behavior

“Annette Simmons makes a great case for the power of stories and the ways they help us connect. Everyone can learn somethign from her lessons.”
Lea Thau, Executive & Creative Director of The Moth

“…conveys the invaluable message that powerful presentations create…” –The School Administrator

“…reading it conveys the invaluable message that powerful presentations create, whether to the board chair, PTA or a class of high school juniors, when told through a good story.”  The School Administrator 

“It is superb and will be one of my best of the year.”   – The CEO Refresher 

“Simmons is an enjoyable communicator, whether she is describing parts of the human brain or sharing an embarrassing moment…offers…professionals…help finding their voice or who need to create a voice for their organizations.”    – Technical Communiation 

“…straightforward and easy to read…offers a profound insight into why presentations succeed or fail and a very concrete approach to generating more effective presentations…strongly recommend this book.”   – Business Process Trends

“…a worthwhile guide[…]storytelling is touted as a secret to effective leadership yet most of us are uncertain where to start.”    – The Globe and Mail (Toronto)